i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize