actually, I'm a sock model
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
