If i come over, it means nothing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
