He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
