Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
