i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
