worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
