she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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