If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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