I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
