didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
