well I can't set my house on fire every night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
