Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
