I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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