a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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