Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
