he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
