i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
