Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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