Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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