I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even my farts smell like vagina
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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