Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
