DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
