he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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