margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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