So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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