just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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