Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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