This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize