so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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