omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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