I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
