It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
