she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
