He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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