So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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