He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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