My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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