If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
