I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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