you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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