im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
