After last night, I could never be a politician.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
