I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
