well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
