He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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