I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
