i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
