I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
