Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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