I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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