so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
