I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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