So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
