is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want a musical about memes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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