i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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