You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
