barbara walters just said penis...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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