You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
