You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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