if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
