Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
this just has baby written all over it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
