Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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