Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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