He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
