i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
