HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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